The Secret to Choosing a Roommate You’ll Actually Get Along With

Finding a roommate is no small task—think of it as hunting for the perfect partner, but with fewer candlelit dinners and more discussions about laundry cycles. Choosing a roommate is key to a harmonious living experience, especially when the alternative might mean living in a tension-filled apartment where passive-aggressive Post-it notes multiply like bunnies.

But fear not! With a little prep, a sprinkle of communication, and maybe some clear boundaries, you can set yourself up for a roommate relationship that won’t end in a Netflix documentary about “worst living situations.”

Choosing a Roommate: Do Your Homework

Whether you’re scouting on an app or roping in a friend of a friend, choosing a roommate requires some serious consideration. Sure, it’s tempting to just pick someone who shares your love for deep-cut ’90s sitcoms, but living together is about much more than that.

1. Ask the Right Questions for Potential Roommate Candidates

When you’re trying to find a roommate, you’ve got to be a bit of a detective. Asking the right question for potential roommate interviews can save you a lot of grief down the line. Here are a few non-negotiables:

• What’s your schedule like? Do they work nights or are they a 9-to-5er?
• How often do you clean? If you’re a neat freak, someone who “cleans when it feels right” is going to drive you nuts.
• How do you handle shared expenses? Are they pro-Splitwise or do they prefer to eyeball it (spoiler: don’t go with the latter)?

These aren’t just polite inquiries; they’re essential to finding someone compatible. Don’t be afraid to go deeper. Understanding their lifestyle will help avoid the “I thought you’d be cooler with 3 a.m. karaoke” disasters.

2. Pick a Roommate That Matches Your Vibe

If you’re trying to pick a roommate, it’s important to find someone who fits your rhythm of life. Are you a homebody who values peace and quiet, or do you thrive on social energy with friends coming over frequently? It’s not just about finding a roommate; it’s about finding the right one.

Roommate compatibility isn’t just about schedules—it’s about habits. If you’re a minimalist and your potential roommate’s last place looked like a prop from Hoarders, it’s better to know now rather than after they’ve moved in with a U-Haul full of stuff.

Setting Boundaries: Because Sharing Is Caring (Within Limits)

Now that you’ve gone through the vetting process, the next big step is setting boundaries. Yes, it sounds clinical, but trust me—clear boundaries keep everything running smoothly and stop you from wondering who finished your almond milk.

3. Make a House Rules Agreement

The earlier you set expectations, the better. Crafting a simple roommate agreement that covers the basics like cleanliness, guest policies, and how to handle shared spaces can save you from future drama. Think of it as the adult version of those “family meeting” contracts you used to see on Disney Channel.

Discuss these key points:

• Cleaning schedule: Whether it’s a rotating calendar or “clean as you go,” knowing when and how often to tidy up is crucial.
• Guests: Some roommates are fine with visitors, while others feel like their personal bubble is being invaded. Hash this out early.
• Shared vs. personal items: Are your snacks communal, or will there be a fridge shelf with your name on it?

Without setting these expectations, you’re essentially entering into a battle where you’ll have to guess at each other’s boundaries, which leads to passive-aggressive sticky notes on the fridge faster than you can say “I’ll just leave this here.”

4. Address Personal Space and Privacy

While living with a roommate means sharing space, it’s still important to carve out areas of privacy and personal space. Not all boundaries are physical—sometimes they’re emotional. If you need alone time to recharge, communicate that upfront. On the flip side, your roommate might need the same.

Consider simple actions like knocking before entering each other’s rooms or setting specific times for solo time in shared spaces like the living room. Personal space isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity, especially when tensions run high. Respecting each other’s need for privacy will go a long way in maintaining peace in your shared home.

Resolving Conflicts: No Drama Required

Even with the best roommate, conflict is inevitable. You’re living in close quarters with another human being, and no one is perfect. But how you handle these little disagreements determines whether your apartment stays a peaceful retreat or becomes a drama-filled battleground.

5. Communication is Key

Surprise, surprise: everything comes back to communication. It might sound like relationship advice, but the same rules apply here. If your roommate leaves their laundry in the machine again or hasn’t taken out the trash for a week, passive-aggressive comments won’t solve the issue.

Instead, tackle the problem directly, but with kindness. A good strategy is to use the “compliment sandwich” approach: say something nice, bring up the issue, and close with something positive. Example: “Hey, I love how you always keep the living room tidy, but can we talk about the dishes? I think we could both work on cleaning up sooner. Anyway, thanks again for organizing the pantry!”

6. When It’s More Than Just the Dishes

Sometimes, the problems are more serious than small cleaning squabbles. Maybe your roommate constantly has overnight guests without warning, or perhaps they’re late with rent (again). This is where those boundaries you set earlier will come in handy. Refer back to your agreement, and try to have a calm, in-person conversation about it.

However, if the situation becomes untenable—constant partying, a blatant disregard for house rules—it might be time to reconsider the living arrangement. Remember, you’re not stuck. If things aren’t working out, it’s okay to look for other options. Just be sure to give proper notice and maintain professionalism if you need to exit the arrangement.

Roommate Harmony: Achievable with the Right Approach

In the end, choosing a roommate wisely is the foundation of a successful living arrangement. But beyond just picking the right person, maintaining harmony relies on a balance of communication, clear expectations, and mutual respect. As long as you set the right boundaries and tackle conflicts with a cool head, you’re much more likely to thrive in your shared space.

Living with roommates is never without its challenges, but with a bit of effort, it can be a positive experience—even fun. And hey, if it ever gets tough, just remember, there’s always noise-canceling headphones and mini-fridges for safeguarding your snacks!

Pro tip: use Notion to manage tasks like cleaning schedules, shared expenses, and house rules. With shared access, both you and your roommate can stay on the same page, avoiding misunderstandings and keeping the space stress-free.